How To Make Millions Before Grandma Dies

Lessons from a tear-jerking movie

The Movie

Recently, a Thai movie about family have taken Singapore and other Southeast Asian states by storm. Aptly named “How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies”, the movie follows M, the grandson, gunning for the inheritance of the cancer-stricken grandmother through a sudden transformation from an apathetic grandson to a tender-loving, caring one. In his best efforts in getting into the good favours of the grandmother, M is exposed to the intricate dynamics of the family and their ulterior intentions in getting their share of the inheritance. Yet, amidst the greed, there is a part of M that empathised with the plight of the grandmother, and saw through all the superficiality of the children's actions. M, now reformed, started helping and spending the final days with his Grandma — now without the inheritance in mind, but rather out of love and kindness, as a way to show his gratitude for his Grandma’s care throughout the years. In the end, he got something much greater that he could ever ask for, more than what money could ever buy. If you have not watched this movie, you really should — and prepare packs of tissues while you’re at it!

Family

Armed with a great soundtrack, stellar actors and smooth cinematography, the movie is its own masterpiece. Yet, the message of the movie — to spend time with family — could not have come at a better time. I guess, the tears shed by the many who have watched the movie, was in part tears of regret, for not having been the best child or grandchild. And to many (myself included), this movie was a wake-up call to make a deliberate effort to carve out time to spend with family amidst hectic schedules, and to look deep into our relationships with our family.

The Invisible Actions

In the movie, we are presented with a Grandma who initially seemed to be ungrateful to the company of her grandson. Yet, as the movie progressed, we realise that the Grandma has been pulling the strings and caring for her children and grandchildren all this while silently. Unbeknownst to her children, Grandma had been silently supporting her family, from praying for the children’s health and stability, to abstaining from beef as a religious tribute for her son’s health, and honouring childhood promises. Yet, all the children could do was to bicker for the inheritance and remain ungrateful.

And in some sense, that translates to our lives too. Asian families, particularly the older generation, don’t usually show their affection outwardly, but rather their love and care manifests itself in other ways — preparing cut fruits, cooking up our favourite dishes, giving a monetary reward in the form of an angpow, and many others. Though sometimes we take this for granted, it is their way of showing affection, and for that, we should remain grateful and take an opportunity to repay it to them — starting with the simplest of things: to spend time with them.

Filial Piety

With filial piety being a well-sought after value in Asian societies, there is always a great emphasis on being filial. Yet, what exactly makes one filial? Does showing up for major events (New Years’, Birthdays, Mothers’ Day, etc.) and handing over a percentage of your salary to your parents/ grandparents count as being filial? Or does turning up at your family’s house weekly make one filial? How about one who calls their parents once a week for an hour, and one who goes to their parents’ place once a week for 15 minutes? Who is more filial?

It is not fair to judge how filial one is from an outsider perspective, as it all depends on the context. Yet, I think a good metric of being filial is to be able to not regret not spending time with your loved ones, or rather to be content with your efforts in showing gratitude to those who have brought you up. Anyways, our parents and grandparents have sacrificed for us to be who we are today, and we owe it to them to love and take care of them - just like they have unconditionally done for us over our formative (and even into our later) years. And if we are content with our efforts, or constantly being there for them, then we are filial.

My Grandma

I have stayed with my grandma for my entire life. And I have been incredibly blessed to have had that opportunity. She has cared for me since I was young, bringing me to school and play, feeding me especially when both my parents are at work. Even when I got older, she never failed to care for me — preparing me a hearty dinner every weekday, her fresh fruits when I am studying or playing, or rewarding me for every milestone I reach. More fondly and recently, I remembered the message she sent me right before I enlisted — urging me to exercise restraint in my speech in NS, to take care of myself, and to serve our nation proudly. They say, “It takes a village to raise a child,”, and I am so thankful to have such a great grandmother, who continues to care for me despite her age and growing pains. It is so incredible to have such a caring grandparent, and also such a funny one too — constantly sharing her gossips from downstairs, or her observations through her NatGeo binoculars she cannibalised from me, or our devious plots to lie to my parents. In total honestly, despite living under the same roof, I have not spent sufficient quality time with her, and with her ailing conditions, I will make it a mission to take care of her (like she has always done for me, day-in day-out), and continue to spend time with her. I hope she never stops cooking for the family, never stops talking about the rising rent of the coffeeshops or the release of convicts near me, and that she never stops laughing and smiling.

Inevitability of Health and Harm

Despite a renewed focus on “active aging”, as one ages, it is more likely than not that one succumbs to one or more illnesses — from dementia, rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, reduced liver ability, etc. With such illnesses, come growing pains, and/or frequent visits to doctors/ hospitals and an incredulous amount of medicine. And this happens at varied rates for many people, but the elderly can often see themselves being “burdens” to their family and loved ones.

The feeling of being a burden

Inevitably, with the need for external help, and the ever-diminishing sense of agency, one may see themselves become a burden. Our parents and grandparents may then reject overseas trips, or stop asking for help altogether. A sad sight, but a belief that we should seek to correct. I think, as children or grandchildren, we should look to convincing our parents/grandparents that they are not burdens and that it should be our responsibility to take care of them as much as we can. After all, they are the ones that brought us up and never once complained.

The importance of community

In line with the message of the movie, there should be a focus on building a community to combat loneliness especially amongst the elderly. In the past, when my parents were deciding on purchasing a new home, we had to take the considerations of my grandparents into account. A shift in environment particularly to a condominium would mean that the community that my grandmother defaulted to would be disrupted heavily, and hence my parents decided against the move (among other reasons.) Yet, recently, I realised how important this community was to her. With my parents both at work, and me being at school or camp for a greater part of my life, my grandmother was usually alone at home, with nothing much to do. Once she was done with her routine of buying groceries and cooking up dinner, she had most part of the day by herself. And so, she filled up this time with other elderly around the area, at the coffeeshop, at the market or anywhere they could sit and converse. I took the opportunity to ask her what was interesting that they could talk for 8 hours day-in day-out, and she said that they talked about everything, talked about “which body part hurt when they moved, the effectiveness of Chinese medicine, to the extramarital affairs of shop vendors and the occasional fights that occur.” It then occurred to me that these groups of aunties and uncles meant so much to her, despite the conversation topics, they were accompanying her and distracting her from the pains that arthritis was creeping on her, especially on bad days. On worse days, when she couldn’t walk a longer distance and had to stay home, the community always reached out, through phone calls and buying of meals for her.

I am grateful that my grandma has had a great community looking out for her, and that her children are incredible to her — that she is able to live comfortably and rely on them for help whenever. And I am sure that she is deserving of all this love and affection, for she had always looked out for us since we were young. And since arthritis is not curable, I hope that the pain is bearable and that she can continue to enjoy her life and our company — that she can comfortably go for the Penang trip, and that she never stops doing what she loves. And though she will never see this, I am so grateful to have had you as my grandma, and I will always take care of you, knowing that you have taken care of me so incredibly well. Thank you.

And I urge everyone to do the same too.